Lifestyle Advice > Legal > Parental triangle

Can he take our baby away?
Me and my girlfriend conceived our baby with the help of a male gay friend of ours. He promised us that he wouldn’t want to be involved with the baby ever but now that he’s born our ‘friend’ is changing his tune. He keeps coming around to the house and now is demanding that we let him see our son on his own. We’ve made excuses but want to say no outright, but we don’t know whether we can or not. It was his sperm that started the process but he promised he wouldn’t want anything to do with the baby. Can he take our baby away from us? We don’t know what to do.

The first thing you have to acknowledge is that this man is the child’s biological father, and this will never change.

At this moment in time, you are in a position to say “no”. At present, there is no Court Order in place stating that Contact must take place, and until that time, technically there is no legal obligation for you to permit contact.

In this country, an unmarried father has very few rights unless he has Parental Responsibility. I’m assuming he hasn’t, unless he was named on the birth certificate, or you have entered into a Parental Responsibility Agreement voluntarily. In theory, having Parental Responsibility would mean that this man would have the right to be consulted over which school your child will attend, his religious upbringing, which name he is known by.

Regardless of the existence of Parental Responsibility, he is obliged to pay Child Maintenance, and would be liable to pay the Child Support Agency on demand and could potentially have money deducted from his wages if he fails to do so. The obligation to pay child maintenance has no link whatsoever to whether or not he is having contact – ie this is payable even if he never sees your baby again. This is a separate matter that you may wish to discuss with the CSA.

But, from your question, I’m guessing that your main concern is his visits to the house. He does have the right to make applications for Contact via the Court. The biological father can apply to the Court at any time for a Contact Order, be it now, or in five or ten years time.

An application to Court does not always result in contact taking place, but generally speaking, the Courts are keen to encourage some sort of relationship between father and child. Each circumstance is looked at individually and, if necessary, cafcass (The Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) will prepare a report on your situation. This would involve cafcass visiting your home, speaking to you and your girlfriend, speaking to the biological father and then making recommendations as to what should happen next.

If you already have some sort of regular pattern in place – is he popping by twice a week? – then it is likely that he will mention this to cafcass, and it is possible that they may recommend that this pattern be built on.

It is very difficult for me to speculate as to the likely outcome of any Application. What I will say, is that I am almost certain that he could not take your baby away from you. You are your baby’s main carers and the court would have to have grave concerns about your abilities as parents to even consider the possibility of this man taking over.

Article written by Davina Warrington, family law solicitor with Woolley & Co solicitors. Davina regularly advises couples on parental responsibility issues for an initial free half hour telephone assessment of your case call Davina on 01283 541598.