Sexpert: Your Problems Answered

Chris & Sally say:
It is a common misconception that condoms are simply there to stop unwanted pregnancy, and therefore it follows that as lesbians we do not need to use condoms or other barriers. Unfortunately this is not the case. Sexually transmitted infections (STI’s) can be transmitted back and forth regardless of gender.

Eighty percent of lesbians have at one time in their lives been intimate with men. Serial monogamy (being in one long-term relationship after another) increases the chance that although you may have never been sexually intimate with a man, one of your partners may have been, and may still have an asymptomatic infection. In addition, some women describe themselves as lesbians even though they're occasionally sexually intimate with men. Even if neither partner has ever been intimate with a man, women can still pass along many STI’s to each other.

Latex in the form of condoms or dental dams is a barrier that keeps all sorts of things from passing through: Chlamydia, herpes, trichamonas, HIV, HPV, hepatitis, syphilis, gonorrhoea to name a few, as well as keeping you from getting a facial rash from your lover's acidic vaginal pH. Besides, latex and lube are great sex toys. Have you ever gone down a slide with your shorts on, on a hot summer day, feeling the skin on the back side of your legs go lub, lub, lub, stretch, stick!? Compare that to sliding down a water slide…………!! Sensation can be increased when you take out the friction, and that's exactly what latex & lube does.

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I'm new to sex toys ...
I am a 40-something lesbian who finds herself single after a 10 year relationship. I never used sex toys because my partner was not interested. I have now met someone new, and she has said that she likes penetration. Can you offer some advice?

Chris & Sally say:
You can use a dildo for penetration with or without a harness. If using with a harness make sure it has a flared base, which is designed to position over the wearer’s pubic bone. There are several harnesses on the market. Thong style harnesses which are designed with either one or two straps to pass between the wearers legs are considered to be the most stable. You can also get a harness to strap around your thigh. Wielding a strap-on takes practice; you may feel very self-conscious the first time you look in the mirror and see a dildo bobbing between your legs. Try wearing your new strap-on around the house when you’re alone, to help you get used to how it feels. This type of ‘practising’ will really help your control when it matters!

If using a dildo without a harness you have more control over positioning and speed. Gentle manoeuvring to tickle the G-spot can be a very pleasurable experience for you both. You will also have the option to use a Glass dildo which can be cooled or heated to add that extra bit of excitement.

Always use plenty of water-based lube and a condom. This will not only protect you both but it will be far more comfortable for the’ receiver’. Penetrate your partner with fingers before entering her with the strap-on. All of this goes double if you’re penetrating her anally.