Short Story > Internet Stirrings

It had been an ordinary day to have done an extraordinary thing – not that it was anything major for most people – no, just for her. She was shy, you see? And to have asked anyone to meet her – even if it was in a kind of a safe, detached, over-the-internet sort of a way it had been a big deal for her... 

Her cheeks had been burning as she typed. It was a grey day in May – it wasn’t hot. It was only coffee she had suggested. And yet she suddenly felt flushed and knew her face could have heated the hotel room she was in. Did she breathe as she awaited the reply on Messenger? She couldn’t swear to it but when the answer came in her breath exhaled so explosively she might have been holding it for at least an hour. 

It had really only taken a minute for the reply to show – it had been simple: 

Sure, that’d be cool 

And then all hell broke loose as the panic set in. Oh my God, what had she done? She was horrified that she had asked at all. She was excited that the answer had been yes. When should they meet? What should she wear? Where should they meet? What would they talk about? What if they didn’t have anything to talk about at all? What if they didn’t get on? How would they know each other? 

A million thoughts flew threw her head – she was flustered, she felt paralysed, she couldn’t speak, her mouth had gone dry, she felt sick, she thought she might faint. 

Great When suits you? 

Oh my God, she sounded so confident, so smooth. Thank God no-one could see her panic-stricken face and shaking hands. Bless the Internet God, she thought (not for the first time). Of course there were those who used the internet for bad things, she knew that, but from a personal perspective she was convinced that God had been looking out for the shy woman when he allowed the human race to invent it. Here she was, a year down the line after finally, properly admitting to herself that she was gay, asking some unknown, faceless woman to meet her for coffee. It was a damn miracle is what it was. 

Sunday? I’m pretty flexible really, whenever. 

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, Sunday, oh my god, am I working Sunday? Oh my god, I’m not, I could meet her, oh my god, oh my god, maybe I should say I’m working, maybe I shouldn’t meet her at all, oh my god. 

Yeh, that’s cool, I’m not working on Sunday. 

She couldn’t believe herself, what the hell was she doing? And she sounded so damn blasé too, like she did this all the damn time. This woman could be an axe murderer for God’s sake – do you get women axe murderers? – she wasn’t sure but Jesus, what was she thinking? 

Good one What sort of time? I’m free all day so whenever suits you. Billy no mates that’s me lol (laugh out loud) :-)

Lol how about 11? Billy no mates, that was funny. Bloody hell, what if it was true? What did she really know about this woman? This was only about the third conversation they had had on a one-to-one basis. She’d only just added her to Messenger last week for God’s sake. Would axe murderers be witty? Would a Billy no mates be able to make her laugh and feel comfortable like this woman did? Christ this was awful. What had she been thinking? 

In the morning?? After a Saturday nite? omg (oh my god) I might struggle to make that – depends where you wanna meet 

I’m working on Saturday nite lol some of us have to I take it you’re not? :-p If she was going out then that probably means she has mates. That would be a good sign … wouldn’t it? Oh God, would it? She didn’t know. Would it mean anything? Course, she didn’t know what sort of mates she might have, they could be into all sorts, Christ, she could be into anything, how would she know? It was just such a minefield – she shouldn’t have said anything. She’d only wanted to meet for a coffee for God’s sake. 

No, I’m out with me pals Likely to be hungover tho – me usual state of affairs for a Sunday morning lol 

Lol Oh god, she’s an alcoholic! Typical! She finally plucks up the courage to ask to meet someone and she finds a bloody alcoholic! Cheers God! 

So where do you wanna meet? Oh lord, where did she want to meet? Her mind went blank, paralysed with fear and indecision. Did she want to meet her at all? She didn’t want to meet her at her place, the axe murderer thing was still a possibility. If she was an alcoholic she didn’t want to encourage her to drink and drive by coming over here. But then she didn’t want to stray far from home – was she being a wuss? – definitely, but she still didn’t want to be far from home. But then what if they met someone she knew? She still wasn’t really out yet and if she was seen with another woman would they guess? Would they just think she was with a friend? Had they guessed already? God, did she have a tattoo on her head or something? She wasn’t a religious person but how many times had she said God in the last five minutes? This was ridiculous… 

How about that new retail park just off the motorway? It’s about half way for both of us. How smooth? She breathed a sigh of relief. That was bound to be safe right? Shopping, coffee, no alcohol….bloody hell, no alcohol. What if this woman needed alcohol to have a conversation? What if they both did? She hadn’t thought of that. What on earth had made her suggest coffee? This was an absolute nightmare … never again. She would NEVER ask another woman to meet her as long as… 

erm ok. I think I know where it is. Whereabouts? You have a favourite shop? 

How about outside Marks & Spencer? Oh my God! Was that a trick question? Had she just given the impression that M&S was her favourite shop? For God’s sake, what was she thinking? What would this woman think? Her hands flew to her face in misery. Why couldn’t she have said Next or something? (I mean, Next is safe right?) maybe even New Look, trendy but cheap, (hmm maybe not). But Marks and Spencer? What does that say about her? Cotton undies and sensible blouses? She groaned. 

It’s the biggest shop there, you can’t miss it. She groaned again. That sounded so lame, even if it was true. What is going on, she thought, as she gestured to her screen in askance. Why did she care if this woman thought she shopped in M&S? Besides, they do do nice undies. Coffee – that was all it was. She felt her face again. It was aflame. 

Ok That sounds good. 11 o’clock this Sunday outside M&S. :-) The blood drained from her face. This Sunday? Had they been talking about this Sunday? It all seemed so sudden. It was all so exciting too. Oh Lord it was terrifying. 

Sure How will I recognise you? You gonna be wearing a rose in your lapel or something? ;-) She blessed the Internet God again for allowing her hands to do the talking. She knew for sure her voice would have failed her if she had been on the phone. Goddammit, she sounded pretty calm onscreen. Her petrified heart hiccupped with fright as she saw the ‘picture file’ prompt appear before her. 

There you go. This is me not so long ago. I still look like it – but less mad lol. She couldn’t move. She went completely still, her hands poised over the keyboard and mouse, holding her breath again, hesitating before she clicked to accept the picture file her new soon-to-be-met friend had sent her. Did it matter what she looked like – this woman who made her laugh, made her want to log on after a long shift at work? It was only coffee after all. The picture began to download just as she ashamedly admitted to herself that yes, somehow it did. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god – please let her not look like an axe murderer. Would she recognize one if she saw it? Well the axe would give her away she supposed. She closed her eyes for a second and then was tempted not to open them at all. When she did she burst out laughing – before her was a picture of Animal, Jim Henson’s drum playing mental muppet. 

You muppet! 

Lmao!! (laughing my arse off) hehehehe. Sorry, couldn’t resist, this is me, honest, not a very good photo I’m afraid. :-)  She was less nervous this time. She was still giggling. What the hell, this woman was funny, if she was an axe murderer she probably used a plastic axe. Before her was a blurred photo of what looked like a nice face. A glimpse of bright blue eyes and a wide smile. She could have sworn the whole cast of the Bill had breathed a collective sigh of relief. She’d forgotten the TV was on. 

Cool Here’s one of me and my cousin. I’m the adult lol. She clicked to send the only photo in the world of herself that she didn’t hate, silently praying that it wasn’t going to be the one photo in the world that this woman would. 

Cute … Oh, and you’re pretty cute too :-p  Ok listen, I’m sorry but I have to go, my parents have just turned up. Email me if you can’t make it ok? But otherwise I’ll see you on Sunday. Cute? Oh my god! Was she flirting with her? She knew she was blushing. The palms of her hands began to sweat, her mouth went dry, if she had been in a club and someone had said that to her she would have fainted at the very least, but she was smiling. She was sitting in front of a laptop in the middle of a hotel room beaming with….well, what she didn’t know, but it sure as hell felt good. 

I’m sure it’ll be fine but ok, will do. 

Ok. Take it easy. Bye!  And with that she was gone. She stared at the screen for a few seconds before she scrolled back and re-read the entire conversation again. Oh my God. It was still a grey day in May, an ordinary day – and she had just done an extraordinary thing.