Short Story > Rocket Science
Newton’s first law of motion: every particle moves in a straight line at constant speed unless compelled to change this motion by forces acting on it.
I’m not a stupid woman. I’ve got a degree. Not that that means much these days, of course, but it does kind of imply some sort of aptitude for rational thought I think. I’m not sure at what point I ever exercised that rational thought but somehow I managed to get through the first 18 years of my life without it, missing all of the signs as I trundled along my straight, life’s path. At 18 I knew where I was going and – having my eye on the captain of the football team – I had an inkling who I wanted to be going with.
It wasn’t Kate Maynard.
Kate – my neighbour in halls of residence and new best friend – sharp tongued and with a quick wit that belied her dumb-blonde appearance. Six months into my first year at university I found myself drunk and riding Kate Maynard for all I was worth, and BAM! It hit me: my first non-solo orgasm and the Eureka moment that changed my life.
I woke the next morning with a hangover from Hades and motion sickness as Kate shimmied her way out of my bed. I lay prone as she searched for the clothes we had so hastily discarded the night before, giggling and fumbling between kisses that both amazed and aroused us. I kept my eyes closed, partly because I was too embarrassed to look at her and partly because I could look at her for the shape of her body was imprinted on the back of my eyelids forever – and what a body. I didn’t want to look away from that vision, to look at the real her, in case her returning gaze wasn’t one that I wanted to see – the alcohol had been equally shared after all. I didn’t want her to leave though – I wanted to revisit that heart-stopping, heart-racing euphoria of the night before but just as I finally plucked up the courage to look at her I heard the door latch snap as she let herself quietly out of my room.
I lay in my bed and thought of her. I kept my eyes closed so I could scrutinize the eyelid-screen that replayed for me her every move. I revelled in those scenes. I could smell her on me, taste her still. I remembered the smoothness of her, the softness of her lips, the excitement and sheer joy, the total abandonment that we shared. It was chemistry. It was addictive. And I was hooked.
I was too hungover to make it to breakfast. By the time I’d hauled myself out of my bed and into the shower it was past eleven. It was Thursday – Kate had lectures until two – I’d managed to miss mine completely.
It’s not often that you can pinpoint a life-changing moment but that morning as I stood in the shower yet again reliving the night before – I couldn’t seem to think of anything else – I knew that I had had one. Archimedes had nothing on me when it came to naked revelations – bet he wished his Eureka moment was half as much fun as mine had been though. As I lathered my hair my head was filled with images of Kate – smiling Kate, laughing Kate, sleeping Kate, naked Kate, orgasmic Kate – and then too, images from my past started to creep into my sluggish psyche. The clues had been there all along, I had just chosen to ignore them. Or had I? If Newton was right maybe I just hadn’t met a force strong enough to change the course that I was on – until Kate, of course.
 I don’t think she was aware of it herself at that point but Kate Maynard was as compelling a force as they came. She smiled and the world seemed a brighter place, she laughed at something I’d said and I felt like I was going to burst with the pleasure of it all. She was like a guided missile that took aim, honed in and blew my pre-Kate straight-world into oblivion. Whatever line I had been on, whatever speed I had been living at was no more – my straight-line life was well and truly bent, and my speedometer suddenly cranked up a notch or ten from the pre-Kate comfort-zone of ‘amble’.
Newton’s second law of motion: When a force acts on a particle, the motion of the particle is changed in the direction in which the force acts, and the acceleration of the particle is proportional to the force.
Kate was nothing if not blunt. “Look Lyn, we were drunk – it won’t ever happen again okay?”
What? WHAT? My whole life had changed! The day before I had thought I was straight, and there I was, a goddam lesbian! The day before I hadn’t known I was in love and suddenly it was screaming from every pore in my body and the object of that huge, crushing wave of emotion and longing and desire… in one, short, incisive sentence had stemmed the tide. Dead. I was gutted. “Okay,” I said, “Fancy going down to the canteen for some tea? I’m starving.”
And so Kate’s decision became my own.
Of course it was never really my own but I let her think I agreed. How could I tell her everything that was churning around inside of me when it so obviously wasn’t in her? We carried on as before. Newly discovered best friends, apparently joined at the hip but nowhere near to the way I so desperately wanted to be.
Unless we were drunk, of course. In her drunken-ness, and behind closed doors, Kate was everything I longed for. And she wanted me too. Then.
Every morning following those urgent, excruciatingly sweet encounters though invariably brought with it an empty bed, conspiratorial and complete denial, and a personal misery that wasn’t just attributable to the hangover. My emotions were increasingly erratic, my speedometer was approaching hurtle-point and my destination: unknown.
Newton’s third law of motion: To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction.
I owe much to Kate Maynard – I can see it now – although it has taken some time for me to appreciate her, I admit it. I spent the three years we were at university mooning over her, even though to all intents and purposes we were just pals.
Our drunken, furtive but fantastic fumblings stopped abruptly following her cheerful announcement in the coffee bar one lunchtime that Richie Newman had asked her out. Richie – the aforementioned captain of the football team. Kate – the magnet in whose field I was helplessly trapped. They were the perfect looking couple. Our friends were squealing with jealousy and delight for her. She accepted their congratulations and playful jibes, all the time avoiding my quiet, watchful - and I hoped not visibly – stricken gaze. “Bloody hell Lyn,” said Marie, one of our friends, nudging me, “you must have known about this for ages – why didn’t you tell us?”
I felt Kate’s eyes fall on me as I looked at Marie. I held up my hands and forced myself to smile. “Hey, not for me to say,” I said, “you know Kate – she’s nothing if not a dark horse.” Everyone laughed and nodded in agreement, bursting into gossip around us, as I turned my wounded eyes back in Kate’s direction. She had the good grace to blush before she looked away.
I went into free-fall I think, that last year at uni. I lay in my bed at night unable to avoid listening to Kate and Richie’s sexual exploits through the paper-thin wall that stood between us. I lay there clenching my fists with helpless rage and despair because every time I closed my eyes I could still see my favourite Kate-movie on the inside of my eyelids – only now it wasn’t just in Technicolor, it was accompanied by glorious surround-sound too. But the dubbing was all wrong – however much I wanted it to be it was no longer to my rhythm that she gasped and cried out with pleasure.
Three years later and another hangover. The bed creaked beneath me and I felt an arm encircle me. I opened my eyes – painfully – and squinted at the unfamiliar surroundings. “Oh crap,” I thought. I’d done it again.
I was fastening my bra when he stirred. “What are you doing?” he asked.
“I’m late for work.” I said.
“I thought you didn’t work on a weekend?” was the confused reply.
“Yeah, I don’t normally, but I forgot I was supposed to cover for one of my bosses.” I lied.
I refused his offer of a coffee even though I could have murdered for one. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He asked if he could call me later. “Sure.” I said as I avoided his sleepy attempt at a hug. I made a play out of writing down my phone number for him – wrongly, of course – then I left.
I didn’t know where I was and I’d refused his offer to call a cab. I didn’t want to wait with him. I walked aimlessly, my head thumping, until I turned a corner and came upon a row of shops. I bought myself a Lucozade Sport at the newsagent and asked the girl behind the counter where in the world we were. She looked at me like I was from another planet – I felt like I was. She gave me the postcode and the name of the road and as I walked out into the sunshine I called my usual taxi firm. I sat on nearby wall and waited, miserable with myself, and the direction my life was taking.
By the time the cab turned up I was in a foul mood. My head was killing me from trying to work out how many one-night-stands I’d had in the last three years – “Too bloody many”, I thought. A cab turned into the road and was crawling slowly along the road so I stepped towards the kerb and waved at it. It was bright yellow and made me squint just to look at it. “What’s the name?” called the driver.
And so: back to Newton’s first law of motion.
“Lyn,” I said, “I use you lot all the time, don’t you recognise me by now?” I asked, I wasn’t in the mood for this; I just wanted to get home.
“I’m new to CityCab,” came the curt response as the door was opened and I climbed in, “you look like shit, you okay?”
I looked up at the driver’s mirror – the brightest blue eyes I’d ever seen were looking back at me. Then she turned around to face me, sliding the glass over as she waited for me to speak. “I’m fine,” I said, “just knackered.”
She laughed at me “Shagged out more like,” she said, “where can I take you, love?”
“I’m desperate for a coffee – do you know the coffee shop on High Street?” I gave her the full address, blushing like a schoolgirl.
Saturday morning – six months later – I was sitting reading the paper in aforementioned coffee shop. “I thought I might find you here,” she said, as she dropped onto the leather sofa next to me.
“Hi Karen,” I said, surprised, “not working today?”
“Nah, the cab’s in for its service, I’ve got the weekend off,” she replied. She looked around the room, fidgeting. “Listen. I’ve been thinking,” she said. I put the paper down and looked at her.
“Did it hurt?” I teased.
“Smart ass,” she said. “Look, you know I’m into women … and, well … I thought you might like to go out on a date, erm … with me … somewhere …” her voice tailed off.
I was looking at her astonished. “What makes you think I’m into women?” I asked.
“Well … aren’t you?” she suddenly looked nervous.
“Well … yeah,” I laughed, “I suppose I am.” I felt fantastic saying it. Then I frowned.
“Look, it’s no big deal,” she said, “I like you is all, and I just got the impression that you liked me too,” she paused, “you do don’t you? Cos, if you don’t, it doesn’t matter,” she was looking flustered.
I felt on fire, and not just my face. “Well … yeah, I do actually” I said, smiling.
“So,” she sat back, looking relieved, “you like me, I like you. What’s to think about?” she said, “I mean, it’s not rocket science is it?” she asked.
Written by Steph T
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